A couple of weeks ago my husband and I decided that it was time for our sixteen-year-old son to have his own cell phone. Our thinking went something like this: summer’s here and the cell phone would afford our son more freedom and responsibility. So we added limitless texting, crossed our fingers and handed off my husband’s old EnV2.

The results have been better than expected. We’ve eliminated our land line, saving us $23 a month; we can reach my son any time, so his “leash” is a little longer; he’s taken responsibility for handling the details of his social life, coordinating get-togethers and keeping us informed.

First impression: success!

Have you had the what-to-do-when-you’re-stopped-by-the-police talk with your kids? If not, I’m guessing your kids are white.

The unwarranted shooting of Aaron Campbell has everyone questioning whether or not  race was one of the factors. What most acknowledge, yet few openly admit, is that, sadly, it probably was.

In her article in today’s Oregonian, Nikole Hannah-Jones interviewed Rob Ingram, head of Portland’s Office of Youth Violence Program.

How embarrassing that we live in a society where parents have to explain to their young children that because for no reason other than the color of their skin they will be stopped by the police–it’s not a question of if but when, on average once a week.

What are we going to do about it?

Jesse, Spring 2000

By Mary Rarick

Stepping out of my bedroom this afternoon I found my fifteen-year-old son sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor directly outside my door. He was waiting for me to emerge so that he could enlist me to assist him in drumming up a fun afternoon activity.

Long ago my children have learned not to say “I’m bored.” So instead he approached me with a desire for input and, since none of his friends were available, a partner in crime.

When the kids were younger I kept a list of child-friendly ideas upon which I relied heavily. Don’t know what to do in the summer? Not a problem. Dig out the sprinkler, slip ‘n’ slide, sidewalk chalk, hoola-hoops, Lincoln Logs, the LITE-BRITE®, Fisher-Price® little people, Matchbox cars and track, Candyland, checkers, trains, Barbies, American Girl dolls, or bubbles. Play with trucks in the dirt. Or perhaps take a trip to the Zoo, the Children’s Museum, OMSI, Multnomah Falls for a hike, the library, the aquatic center, Bonneville Dam, or even Mt. St. Helens. The Rose Garden play area was always popular. Of course there were also myriad household and garden projects. And both kids love to bake.

The list faded as my children grew and were better equipped to come up with ideas of their own. So I was unprepared for today’s query. What to do?

Well, there’s badminton in the backyard, ping pong in the garage, a pool table and darts in the family room, and a trampoline in the backyard. The library is more popular than ever, so there are usually stacks of library books in the livingroom. And we still play a board game every day, even if it’s just my husband and me playing it. The aquatic center is viable option.

But it occurs to me that I’m out of practice generating ideas for 15-year-old boys. So I thought perhaps my blog readers would have some ideas. What sorts of things do your tweens or teens like to do during the summer months?

I’ve been looking for a book like this for several years now but only came across this one last week. What’s Going on Down There?, by Karen Gravelle, is the perfect complement to having “the talk” with your prepubescent teen boy. Described as “part manual, part older brother” the book covers puberty for boys from A to Z.

As you may know, there are myriad books for tween girls on the topic, but I’ve found it difficult to find a well-written book for boys. Thankfully, you can even borrow this great find from your local library.

In March, my daughter won the lottery. We were elated. She had been accepted to one of the public school learning options and soon she would attend the school for her shadow day. The school has an arts focus and we all felt this would be the best fit for her. None of us had ever stepped foot in the school until a few weeks before the lottery, so her desire was all based on hearsay.

On the shadow day, we pulled into the driveway of the school at 7:20 a.m. for our 7:30 a.m. arrival time. My daughter checked once again in the mirror to see how she looked. Satisfied she asked me if I would walk her into the school. Of course I thought, my sweet daughter. We walked in and were greeted by students who seemed to be hanging out everywhere. There were at least 100 kids and we had to walk past all of them as we continued to search for the guidance counselor’s office. My daughter seemed to have an expression on her face of complete embarrassment to be walking down the hallway with her mom. I knew each one of these kids had done the same thing on their shadow day. At the guidance office she received her shadow partner, was told a bit about the schedule and was ready to go. I assumed she wouldn’t want a hug so I just gave her a small wave and said I would be going. She didn’t react so I proceeded to the door. I walked slowly back down the corridor. I glanced at the work on the walls and peeked into the classrooms. I passed my daughter standing with the group she would be shadowing in the corridor. I couldn’t tell if her face said, I would like a hug you goodbye or Don’t look at me now. This year has seen the beginning of so many new interactions between us. I am still unsure of what role to play so as not to embarrass her but also still honor my feelings to protect and teach her. As I pulled out of the school parking lot I was filled with mixed emotions. This experience felt reminiscent of dropping my kindergartner off at school only now she doesn’t want me to hold her hand in public and kiss her goodbye at her desk. But she is still my baby and I am not ready to let all of that go yet. I guess we will have to continue the mother dance until we come up with an appropriate tempo that works for both of us.

]]> http://portlandfamily.com/2009/04/hitting-the-tween-years/feed/ 0 http://portlandfamily.com/2009/02/jack-and-jill-ill-timed-conversatonsor-is-there-such-a-thing/ http://portlandfamily.com/2009/02/jack-and-jill-ill-timed-conversatonsor-is-there-such-a-thing/#comments Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:49:08 +0000 Mary Rarick http://portlandfamily.com/wordpress/?p=317 By Mary Rarick

Why is it that all of the most important conversations initiated by my son begin around 9:15 p.m.? It’s always as I’m ushering him in the door after a high school game, trying to encourage him to turn in for the night that he starts in with an interesting piece of information, you know, something he could have mentioned at 4:00 p.m. when he first walked through the door after school. But, no. It had to wait.

Last night it was some interesting tidbits about the project he’s planning for his Computers in Art class. Evidently he’s supposed to show the nursery rhyme “Jack and Jill” using stock photos he finds on the web. So he started to explain how he was going to use an image of the sun behind another image to create an effect…and all the while I’m just half listening, because I’m in the middle of something myself.

This scenario plays itself out all too often in our household. Having realized this now I suppose I need to figure out what to do about it, right?